when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
