just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.