My cat gives me a boner
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we're so committed to being not committed