Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?