How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.