I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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