I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
