Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
