dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
