Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
