I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize