no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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