I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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