He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
