smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
