Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
