I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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