girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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