so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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