i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
