I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
