apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
