it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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