I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
