she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
