Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
