My underwear smells like fireworks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
