She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
