cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
