She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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