She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
