So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
bring money and cleavage
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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