hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont even know how to be here
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
