Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
