i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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