He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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