The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
