Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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