I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
