I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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