Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
