btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
