He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
