I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
