Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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