What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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