It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
