First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
