We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
