i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
