My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
