She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
