no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
