I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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