Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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