I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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