She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
