i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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