no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
