I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
