I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
