I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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