Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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