just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
