honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
