Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
