I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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