The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
