Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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