Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
