he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
