he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
