This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
